By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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