the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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