haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
