Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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