Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i came on her dog
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
