Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize