Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
