i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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