So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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