I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
