you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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