Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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