chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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