I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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