Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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