I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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