If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
