drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
