i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
