you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
