i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
