I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
