You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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