I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
