i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
