'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
