I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
