you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
