Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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