Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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