as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
