I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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