Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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