can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
