literally had 100 drinks last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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