I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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