I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
