I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
