I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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