my phone needs a breathalizer
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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