No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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