Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am one with the molecules
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
