just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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