Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
