I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
