I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
