Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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