he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
there is glitter all over my balls
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
