This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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