Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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