Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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