Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
