i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
