the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
