rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
