Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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