Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
