Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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