I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
