Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
