I want to stick my p in your. b.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
