Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
