I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize