Who wears a wallet chain?!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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