i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
