I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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