Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
