I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize