just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She's better-looking with the mask on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
