Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
