im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
