Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
