I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he thought i was a dude.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
