i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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