"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
