Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
