Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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