yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
