Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize