Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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