I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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