That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
