She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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