a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
